--Think about any disagreements, or conflicts, you have recently experienced or are currently experiencing at work with a supervisor or colleague, or someone in your personal life.
I am currently having a conflict with my step-father concerning money I owe him. I am paying him back as I am able and he is requesting more money. At the time I am not able to increase the amount I am paying him so I offered to what I was able to do. He refused to accept my payments and made a threat over the phone. I asked him not to contact me via phone or in person and only through mail since we cannot communicate effectively. This has turned into something ugly that I do not like or want to have hanging over my head. My mother feel stuck in the middle and I feel horrible about that.
I have thought a lot about using the techniques in the book but at this point emotions are on high. No one is in a calmed down enough place to be an effective communicator. We both know what we want and have expressed that. We both are not accepting of the terms the other has set. We need mediation. I do not think we can do it on our won.
--Share at least two strategies you have learned about that might help you manage or resolve the conflict more productively, and why these strategies might be effective. For example, could you suggest a compromise? Could you look for a broader range of solutions to your disagreement? Could you use some of the principles of nonviolent communication or the 3 R's to better help you resolve this conflict?
The 3 Rs are definitely not in the picture at the moment regarding this issue. I have such animosity towards my step-father at this time that I cannot find it in my heart to be respectful and responsive. I know what he wants. he just has a very horrible way of going about telling me (he threatened me). I would like to have an objective mediator work with us to facilitate some effective communication between us because we are both too stubborn and too upset to even try to work this out at this time.
The 3 Rs are definitely not in the picture at the moment regarding this issue. I have such animosity towards my step-father at this time that I cannot find it in my heart to be respectful and responsive. I know what he wants. he just has a very horrible way of going about telling me (he threatened me). I would like to have an objective mediator work with us to facilitate some effective communication between us because we are both too stubborn and too upset to even try to work this out at this time.
--Also, if appropriate, ask your colleagues for their input and advice regarding, if not specific problems, how they have learned to be more effective communicators as it relates to conflict resolution skills.
Please, if anyone has any advice on how to cool off and think in a different way about a conflict please share. I am finding it hard to deal with his threats and I do not like being in a constant state of confusion regarding this matter. I want to be able to be the bigger person but his actions have shown him to resort to threats when the conversation is not going his way or he is not getting what he wants.
Kim, I am currently involved in the same type of conflict, except I am the person that loaned out the money. I am slightly frustrated because when I initially agreed to loan the money to my friend, it was never communicated that it would take so long to repay me. I am now finding myself paying my bills late because I'm still waiting to get my money back. It is really sad that money has interfered with the relationship that you have with your stepfather. It takes a big person to admit that they are sorry as you stated about your mother and you do not expect her to take sides because she is your mother. I hope everything works out!
ReplyDeleteHello Kim,
ReplyDeleteAs far as relationships go, the issue of money has the ability to make or break the relationship bond. Next time, if you have to borrow money from a family member or friend, write up a loan contract. In the meantime, look at ways to cut your expenses.
Hi Kim,
ReplyDeleteWhat a difficult position to be in. I think that in order to maintain some kind of respectful communication drawing a boundary is necessary at this time. Continue to pay back what you can. The principles of NVC are not being adhered to in this situation currently, but over time may evolve. I encourage you to continue to have a boundary you are comfortable with and ensures that you are communicated with respectfully. The money will sort itself out, but the relationship will need some work.
Kim,
ReplyDeleteI think that sometimes, time is the best solution. You are right in saying that you both are too upset to solve this alone. Can your mom take a bigger role in playing the mediator? I personally do this all of the time with my own daughter and her father (my husband). I see his side of things because he works hard for his money and when he lends it to her and she fails to pay it back, but then comes in to the house with Burger King, he gets very angry. I try to remind him that she is young (20) but I do see his point. I also see her point, too. I know you may not want to put your mom in the middle, but typically, that works for us! It's not fun for ME, but it takes the edge off of what they are feeling.
Marie